


The City In Which I Don't Exist

by StrawberryLix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Movie Night, Stargazing, actually they're both very soft for each other, but actually just really a lot of angst, hyunjin is very soft for jeongin, i can't tag too much bc i'd spoiler, it's fluffy in the beginning but there won't be much left of that anymore in the end, parks, that doesn't stop the drama from happening though, that's a valid tag too i guess, the story is not quite what it seems like at first, they just hang out at the park a lot, this whole story is inspired by that one (1) edit i saw on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 19:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryLix/pseuds/StrawberryLix
Summary: Jeongin has been Hyunjin's best friend for a year now. It seems just like yesterday that Hyunjin had met him at their local park for the first time. And even though Jeongin has his unusual little quirks every now and then, Hyunjin couldn't imagine wanting to spend more time with anyone else in the world. But soon he has to find out that Jeongin not only hides a secret no one could ever have known about, but also that this secret is going to turn Hyunjin's entire world upside down.Sometimes you wish you could turn back time to appreciate things before they're gone.





	The City In Which I Don't Exist

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired for this story by the lovely Mirage!AU edit by https://ilylix.tumblr.com/  
> I strongly recommend checking it out!

_One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change._

 

 

 

Excitedly, he jumped on his bicycle and made it out of the garage of their little row house in the outskirts of the city. His way to the city center was long, but the anticipation made Hyunjin accelerate on the pedals even more to get there faster. 

He was going to meet Jeongin again today and it had been a while. Too much stress with school work and exams had prevented Hyunjin from meeting up with his best friend in nearly two weeks now and he was nearly combusting from how much he missed hanging out with Jeongin.

They hadn't officially planned a time or date to hang out with each other, but Hyunjin decided he wanted to surprise Jeongin today at the park, where the younger one often spent his time. He would probably be there today, too. They usually met up at the park anyway, because Jeongin said he didn't own a cell phone, which Hyunjin found weird but he didn't question it. Materialistic things like electronics were something Jeongin never really seemed to care about. But it didn't bother Hyunjin at all, they both always found things to do and they never experienced problems with communication since Hyunjin was able to find him at the park most of the time anyway.  
It actually felt nice to have someone who was so out of touch with modern society like Jeongin was, it gave Hyunjin a sense of ease, like he could dive into a different world whenever he spent time with the younger, away from all the responsibilities at home, at school, or his other friends who sometimes got just a little bit too much.

Nearing the city park, Hyunjin felt a tingly sensation in his stomach before he got off his bike and locked it to a bicycle rack. The park wasn't big, so Hyunjin was sure he'd be able to find Jeongin with ease if he was there today.

He remembered that this was the location he'd first met Jeongin about a year ago. Jeongin had been sitting next to the playground on his own, and he had watched the numerous children roam around the place while they laughed and seemed to have had the time of their life. He had watched them with a smile on his lips, but he had looked so lonely to Hyunjin, so he had given himself a push and had approached the brown-haired boy. 

He remembered how surprised Jeongin had looked at him when he had introduced himself, like he had seen a ghost or something similar supernatural and at first it had made Hyunjin feel a bit insecure about approaching him, but there had been something about Jeongin that had kept him talking. From then on, things had kept moving as they kept on meeting each other in the park, at first maybe once a week, but then more and more continuously until they saw each other nearly every day of the week, as long as Hyunjin didn't have any major plans for a day. 

For some reason Jeongin rarely seemed to be busy with anything as it was rare to not find him at the park on a day. But even that happened sometimes and whenever it was the case, Hyunjin tried to not feel disappointed. But of course his friend also had a life of his own and he shouldn't ever forget that.  
He had already questioned Jeongin about the fact that he was rarely busy but Jeongin had only shrugged and replied that there wasn't really much else to do for him all day.

Hyunjin already felt the disappointment coming up when he wasn't able to spot Jeongin wherever he went, until he turned around a corner and saw a familiar brown mop of hair sitting on a slope with his back turned, watching two birds fight over a worm on the meadow. Hyunjin's face immediately lightened up as he started to jog towards Jeongin, already raising up his arm.

“Jeongin!” He called out, waving at him with his raised hand.

Jeongin whirled around, his lips crinkling up at the corners, making his braces brightly show up on his teeth. He made a move to get up, just to be tackled by Hyunjin and nearly losing his balance.

“Woah, hold on there. You nearly made me trip,” he laughed, embracing Hyunjin with his arms now, too.

“Can't help it, I missed you,” Hyunjin countered with his face still in Jeongin's hair, his breath tickling the younger's scalp. 

“I'm finally done with exams, I've got lots of time now!” Hyunjin beamed, letting go of Jeongin and smiling at him.”And I already have a fantastic idea. Today's Friday, let's have a sleepover at my place!”

Jeongin's expression faltered now and he seemed visibly uneasy.

“Huh, what's up?” Hyunjin asked. Jeongin sighed.

“I thought I told you I don't want to disturb your family at home. You'd just have to introduce me to them and that's bothersome.”

“First of all, you're not bothering anyone and my family would love to meet you. Second of all, I know you told me this, but my parents aren't home today, so that's why I'm asking you. Come on, it will only be you and me, that's fine, isn't it?”

Jeongin hesitated a bit but then finally he agreed.  
Hyunjin felt excited, this would be the first time his friend stayed over at his place. They would watch movies all night, talk about everything, raid the fridge... So many things to do!

Unlocking his bike from the rack, Hyunjin signaled Jeongin to get onto the bike behind him.

“Just grab onto me tight, we're faster like this.”

Jeongin settled down behind him, trying to lift his feet a bit clumsily, so they wouldn't drag over the concrete, and he put his arms around Hyunjin's waist securely. 

“Okay,” Jeongin confirmed and held onto Hyunjin tightly, pressing himself close and putting his chin on Hyunjin's shoulder. It made Hyunjin giggle softly.

“Alright, alright, let's go.”

 

 

“I get to pick the movie,” Hyunjin announced while he opened his drawer to reveal a set of dozens of DVDs all neatly stacked next to each other.

Jeongin stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind him out of habit. Hyunjin's bed sheets were lazily made, just the amount his parents wouldn't scold him for but still couldn't be considered neat or tidy. On the walls there were some posters of various pop stars and of some animals, especially dogs. A clean school uniform hung from the slightly opened door of the wardrobe, just waiting to be worn after the weekend. On the desk, Jeongin discovered leftovers of Hyunjin's school work, some text books and crumpled paper, on one piece of paper he could decipher “English Vocabulary” from afar.

“I see you're studying well,” he commented.

“Of course, did you expect anything less?” Hyunjin smirked, still looking for the right DVD in his collection.

“To be honest, you don't really seem like the kind of guy to study hard. More like the person to go out after class with all kinds of people, come home late and never really care about any assignment a teacher gives to you. Oh, and sleeping in class.”

Hyunjin looked at him offended and Jeongin swore he heard a little gasp of shock from him which made him grin smugly.

“Are you talking about me or talking about you?” Hyunjin just returned then.

“Who knows,” Jeongin chuckled, then he took a seat on Hyunjin's bed and made himself comfortable.  
Hyunjin pulled out a DVD case from the drawer.

“Aha! There it is!” he exclaimed triumphantly and pushed the drawer closed, maybe with just a little bit too much force. “We're watching this.”

Jeongin had a look at the cover.

“'A Moment To Remember'?” He frowned. “Isn't that like, this super corny romance movie with that woman who gets diagnosed with Alzheimer's and her husband cries over it?”

“Excuse you, that movie is amazing! There's so much emotion in it!” Hyunjin said scandalized, clearly not caring about Jeongin's opinion as he took out the DVD and inserted it into the player.

“Whatever you say,” Jeongin replied and the TV screen lit up with the main menu. Hyunjin started the movie and crashed himself onto the bed next to Jeongin.

“Oh wait, do you want some snacks or something?” Hyunjin suddenly remembered, reaching for the remote to pause the prologue.  
Jeongin stopped him in his motion and softly pushed him down onto the bed again.

“I'm good, it's fine. Let's watch the movie.”

Hyunjin just nodded and got comfortable again.  
About ten minutes into the movie, Jeongin lost interest in the plot. It was just as he had expected, definitely not something for him and yet Hyunjin's eyes were glued to the screen as if it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. Jeongin tried to not let out a sigh and instead to focus on the movie as much as possible, which he found harder and harder the more time passed. He started to get sleepy and he nestled up to Hyunjin to let his head rest on the other one's shoulder. When Hyunjin noticed that, he let his head lean against Jeongin's, and they both continued watching the movie like that.

Jeongin didn't know how much time had passed but the movie seemed to be ending soon, as it was nearing its climax and he internally thanked the higher ups for letting him stay awake through this.  
Along the next few seconds, Jeongin heard a sniffle from above, which developed into more frequent sniffles which turned into muffled sobbing soon. Instinctively, he grabbed Hyunjin's hand who now couldn't stop the tears from flowing as the ending credits rolled over the screen.

“Shh, it's okay,” Jeongin just soothed him, as he knew that Hyunjin tended to be quite sensitive sometimes. Hyunjin reached for the tissue box on the night stand and dried his tears. The TV screen displayed the main menu now again.

“Phew, that was a ride,” Hyunjin exhaled, taking a deep breath afterwards.

“Yeah, seemed like it.”

There was a short silence.

“You didn't like it, right?” Hyunjin said as he noticed Jeongin sitting next to him completely unfazed.

“It wasn't really my genre,” Jeongin admitted. “But you seemed to like it.”

“It's one of my favorite movies, so I hoped you'd like it too,” Hyunjin said. Jeongin felt that Hyunjin's mood had dropped a little from the disappointment, so he tried to cheer him up a little.

“Hey, let's watch another one. What else do you have? I'm sure there's something we both like.”

Hyunjin thought for a little bit, then he seemed to have an idea.

“We could watch 'Train to Busan'. That usually always works.”

Jeongin lightened up at that.

“Hell yes. I'm totally up for that!”

Hyunjin immediately lightened up and jumped off the bed.

“Alright! Let's watch that, then.”

He exchanged the DVDs quickly and then sat down next to Jeongin yet again.  
Jeongin had watched 'Train to Busan' many times already, but the movie never got old for him and this time, too, he was immediately into it.  
Hyunjin seemed to enjoy the movie too, but it was evident that he got scared way easier than Jeongin did, and sometimes flinched or hid his eyes behind his hands. Jeongin would then ask him if he was okay, which Hyunjin always confirmed. A few moments later he would already grab after Jeongin though and unconsciously try to hide behind him. Jeongin found that cute, so he never complained about it.

Eventually, the credits rolled down the screen again and Jeongin heard Hyunjin heave a quiet sigh of relief as he stretched a little bit to get rid of all the tenseness he had developed throughout the movie.

“It has gotten dark already,” Hyunjin noticed as he looked out of the window and only saw blackness. “Wow, time really flies fast.”  
A look at the clock revealed that it was already close to 9 pm. Jeongin hummed in agreement.

They spent the entire night lounging on Hyunjin's bed and watched one movie after another. Soon after midnight they both started to get tired, and just about one hour later Hyunjin heard a faint snoring on his shoulder. Jeongin had fallen asleep on him while they were watching the first Spiderman movie, and peacefully breathed into Hyunjin's shoulder where his head was resting on. 

Hyunjin didn't want to wake him up, but he also felt tired and wanted to go to sleep, so he had to try and slowly move away while gently lowering Jeongin's head onto the pillow. Despite all his attempts, Jeongin quietly groaned after the disruption of his sleep but quickly fell silent again the second his head came into contact with the soft pillow.

Hyunjin turned off the TV and changed into his pajamas before he joined Jeongin in his bed again. He thought about preparing the guest room for his friend, but he felt like he shouldn't disturb Jeongin anymore in his sleep so he decided on just leaving things as they were.

As Hyunjin switched off his desk lamp and cautiously slipped under the bed sheets, Jeongin turned around and wrapped his arm around his waist, mumbling something incoherent in his sleep. Together with the sheets spread over them and Jeongin's arm around him, it felt warm. Comfortably warm. So comfortably warm that Hyunjin felt himself drift off to sleep soon after, with soft hair tickling his face and the faint smell of chamomile coming from it, as Jeongin pressed himself closer to him.

Soon Hyunjin had fallen asleep too.

 

In the morning he woke up with a warm weight on his chest. Hyunjin groaned a little and let his eyes flutter open to discover that Jeongin's head had moved to his chest over the night and was peacefully resting there. The steady rhythm of his breathing was visible by the sheets moving up and down and he looked so small curled up like that. Hyunjin softly chuckled and ran his fingers through Jeongin's hair affectionately which resulted in him moaning sleepily from the sudden touch before he started shuffling around and lifting his head. His hair was sticking out in every direction and he looked at Hyunjin confusedly with sleep in his eyes and a bloated face.

“Slept well?” Hyunjin asked, a sleepy smirk on his face.

Jeongin made an incomprehensible noise which Hyunjin interpreted as a 'I slept well, thank you for asking Hyunjin' and sat up straight on the bed. He started stretching and yawning and tried to even out his clothes that were crumpled after a night's sleep in them.

“Ugh,” he let out.

“Good morning to you too.”

“I'm thirsty,” Jeongin complained, not having moved an inch from where he sat.

“Should I get you a glass of water?” Hyunjin offered.

“Yeah, hurry up.”

Hyunjin snorted. “You're really shameless, you know that, right?”

“Some people might have told me so before, yes” Jeongin grinned back at him.

Hyunjin lazily moved out of the bed and headed down to the kitchen. He returned a few moments later with a glass of tap water and gave it to Jeongin, who greedily gulped it down.

“I think I actually have to go now,” Jeongin suddenly said, setting the empty glass aside and getting ready to leave.  
Hyunjin stopped him before he could leave through the door.

“What? Why so suddenly? Don't you want to grab breakfast first or something?” he asked worried, still holding onto Jeongin's arm.

“It's okay. But it's already 10am and... my mom needs me at home, you know? Yeah, so I really gotta go now.”

Hyunjin slowly let go of Jeongin's arm. “Oh, alright.” 

They went downstairs and Hyunjin opened the door for him as Jeongin thanked him for inviting him to stay over.

“Anytime. Have a safe trip home.”

Jeongin stopped in his motion for what seemed like a split second before he exited the house and waved Hyunjin goodbye. It only took a while until he vanished around the corner into the depths of the city.

 

 

 

The school bell rang and Hyunjin scrambled his things together as best and fast as he could to be able to leave quickly after an exhausting day. Also, he was keen on meeting Jeongin at the park again. Before he could finish packing his bag, some of his classmates approached him.

“Hey Hyunjin, we're going to a karaoke bar downtown. You wanna come with us?”

“Oh sorry, I'm already meeting up with Jeongin today, maybe another time,” he replied, swinging his bag over his shoulders.

“Jeongin again? Can't he just join us?” they suggested, seeming a bit annoyed at the fact that Hyunjin had dumped them again.

“Sorry guys, but I already told you that Jeongin doesn't like to hang out with others, it's nothing personal,” Hyunjin explained, ready to leave.

“Isn't it weird?” Sangho suddenly said, making Hyunjin stop in his motion and turn around. “Isn't it weird that he's like this? The past months you've dumped us so many times for this Jeongin guy, and I don't even know what he looks like. I've never met that guy! Neither of us has!”

Sangho seemed really agitated about this and Hyunjin also felt the same aura coming from the others.

“I didn't dump you! What is this even about?” he questioned irritated.

“We thought that maybe you're just making this Jeongin guy up, so you don't have to hang out with us.”

“Huh?”

“You know, if you don't want to hang out with us, you could've just told us. No need to make up a fantasy friend.”  
Sangho gestured the others to follow him.  
“Come on guys, let's go.”

“What? I'm not lying to you! Guys! Hey!” Hyunjin called after them, but they ignored him and exited the classroom. Hyunjin was left there standing alone, completely overwhelmed.

Fantasy friend? Jeongin? That was ridiculous. Of course it was an unusual habit that Jeongin preferred to be away from people, but he was just a human too. He had a life of his own going on, too. Sangho and the others were crazy. He shook his head.

Leaving the school building, Hyunjin decided to just pick up Jeongin at his school right away instead of meeting him at the park. Hyunjin's classes had ended a bit earlier today and there was still enough time to take the bus to Jeongin's school before his official classes ended.

Hyunjin made it just in time to the school gates when he heard the loud school bell ring and it didn't take long for the students to start pouring out of the building, one after another. Hyunjin noticed that the students had really pretty uniforms, the boys were wearing black jackets and red ties with gray pants and the girls wore black jackets with red plaid skirts. Compared to that, Hyunjin's own uniform, which was plain gray, looked rather boring.

Five minutes had passed and Hyunjin still wasn't able to discover Jeongin in the students leaving the building. Had Hyunjin maybe mistaken the school with one with a similar name? He tried to recall what Jeongin had said back then. 'Chungdam High School'. Hyunjin checked the name plate on the school gates again. Chungdam High School. It was definitely the right place. But where was Jeongin? Maybe he just took a bit longer to exit than others or he was on cleaning duty. Maybe even a teacher wanted to talk to him about something. Hyunjin decided to wait longer. The outpouring of students decreased gradually the longer Hyunjin stood there until no one exited the building anymore. Hyunjin checked his watch. He had been waiting for 25 minutes now and there was still no sight of Jeongin.  
Weird.  
Maybe he was sick?

No matter what the case was, it was useless to just keep on standing there. If Jeongin hadn't been at school today, he also wouldn't be at the park. Hyunjin could've just gone to karaoke with his classmates it seemed, but now it was too late for that and he had fucked up.  
With a sigh he started walking to the next bus station that would take him closest to his home. The bus service in the city outskirts was not as good as in the city center, so it took a while for Hyunjin to get to the right station. 

On his way he passed the small park where he and Jeongin always hung out together and even though it had no use to go and look for Jeongin, Hyunjin fell for the urge to still have a look. It really was unnecessary and Hyunjin knew that, but he couldn't help it.

What he did not expect though, was for Jeongin to sit perfectly fine under a big oak tree, playing with some blades of grass. He was dressed in his usual shorts and t-shirt combination. 

“Jeongin?”

Jeongin looked up and smiled at him. “Ah, Hyunjin. Hey. I see you're still wearing your school uniform. Did you come here right after school?”

“Not quite,” Hyunjin answered. “I had a lesson off today so I was finished earlier and thought it'd be a great idea to pick you up at your school.”

Jeongin's expression rapidly fell when he heard that.

“But you know, I waited and you kinda didn't appear, so I thought you'd be sick or something.”

Jeongin averted his gaze from Hyunjin now and remained silent. Hyunjin just stood there and looked at him for a while.

“I didn't go to school today,” Jeongin finally said, still looking somewhere else, like his interest got captured by something in the distance.  
Hyunjin crouched down next to him and looked him in the eyes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked carefully.

Jeongin returned his gaze now and there was something in his eyes that Hyunjin couldn't quite read.

“Sometimes you just have these days where you can't really go, you know?”

Hyunjin wasn't sure if he 'knew', but he nodded anyway. “I understand. It's okay. Sometimes you just need a break from everything.”

For some reason, Hyunjin felt as if he saw something darken even more in Jeongin's expression, but maybe it had just been his imagination. He wondered what Jeongin had going on in his life that made him skip classes just like that, but he decided not to ask about it and instead to leave him be. If Jeongin wanted to talk about it, he would bring it up on his own. Hyunjin trusted him with that.

 

 

 

“Dad, is the telescope ready?” Hyunjin called from upstairs, gathering the last few things together before sprinting down, which nearly made him trip over his own feet and roll down the last set of stairs.

“Careful, careful,” his father warned him, making sure to steady him properly when he basically came flying down the stairs. “The telescope is all packed up, don't worry.”

“And what about the food?” Hyunjin looked around, a bit out of breath.

“It's all in the bag,” his mother answered from the kitchen, appearing with a picnic basket a few moments later and setting it down next to Hyunjin.

“Oh dear, calm down. You look like you're about to forget your own head at home with all that hurry,” she noticed.

“Honey, he's just excited. He's been planning this for a while, leave him be,” his father intervened, clearly knowing about Hyunjin's plans, since he'd been helping him use their telescope a few days ago.

“Oh alright, alright. But Hyunjin, don't be home too late, okay?” 

“Mooom, we're going to look at the stars, I can't come back that early. Also I'm 18, how long are you going to keep babying me?” Hyunjin replied a bit annoyed and picked up the picnic basket and the telescope bag.

“I just want to make sure you're fine!” she told him, ruffling through his hair for a bit.

“I _am_ going to be fine,” he just replied, fixing his slightly disheveled hair and then waving them goodbye.

“See you later!”

Then he let the front door fall shut behind him. 

It was hard to still get a bus to anywhere else than the city center now, since it had already become dark outside, so Hyunjin loaded his baggage onto his always reliable bike and secured it there properly. His destination was the grand field next to the only local farmer in the surrounding area. They had decided on a calm and quiet place where there wasn't a lot of light so it wouldn't disturb their star gazing.

For some reason, Jeongin had seemed a bit down to Hyunjin the past days and he didn't know why. He was a lot more quiet and lost focus quite a few times so that Hyunjin had to gain back his attention by either calling his name multiple times or lightly shaking him by the arm. Hyunjin hoped it would be different today and he would try his best to make Jeongin forget about any kind of worry he had with what he had planned.

The small lamp on the front of his bike emitted just enough light to not make him crash against any obstacles in front of him, so when Hyunjin finally saw the manageable-sized farm in the distance, he felt relief.

At the beginning of the field path that separated the farm's land and the outside fields, he nearly crashed with his bike right into Jeongin who stood there completely on his own with nothing highlighting him.

“Jesus Christ, Jeongin! Couldn't you at least bring a flashlight with you?” Hyunjin called out while looking at him dumbfounded.

“Sorry?” Jeongin offered, but didn't sound like he meant it at all.

Hyunjin sighed and got off the bike. He fumbled with the telescope bag and pulled a device out of it which he threw into Jeongin's direction. Jeongin caught it barely at the surprising act.

“What's that?”

“A flashlight,” Hyunjin retorted, urging Jeongin to switch it on while he took the bag and the picnic basket with him. 

“You prepared so much for today,” Jeongin noticed while they were heading further into the field, lighting up the grass path in front of them.

“Well, someone has to do something,” Hyunjin said, his breath speeding up slightly due to the heavy weight he was carrying.

They found a place where they wanted to settle down and Hyunjin took a picnic blanket from the basket to spread it out. They both took a seat on it and Hyunjin rummaged through the contents of the basket to reveal some sandwiches, fruits and some hot tea in a thermos. Hyunjin wondered if he should've packed a separate blanket, since they were going to stay here most likely past midnight. It was in the midst of summer, so the nights usually weren't cold at all, but maybe he should've made sure and still brought one. 

To his surprise, he found another spare blanket at the bottom of the basket, underneath all the snacks and drinks and couldn't help but be sure his mother had put it there beforehand. Although he probably would've told her he didn't need if she had suggested it at home, he was now glad that sometimes his mother just really was that overprotective. 

“What's in the other bag?” Jeongin asked, already munching on his first sandwich.

“A telescope,” Hyunjin said proudly, reaching for it and highlighting it with the flashlight.

“Woah, a telescope? Where'd you get that thing?” Jeongin asked astounded, trying to get a look at the little parts of the telescope that were revealed through the bag that Hyunjin had slightly opened up.

“It's my dad's. I asked him to borrow it for tonight since we wanted to go star gazing,” Hyunjin explained. “I don't know as much about the stars as my dad does, but I figured it'd be cool to bring it with me.”

“I've never looked through a telescope like that,” Jeongin said and couldn't quite hide the portion of excitement he felt.

Hyunjin smiled. “Well then today's going to be the day that changes.”

They both finished up their first sandwich and gulped down a few mouthfuls of tea, before Hyunjin stood up from the blanket and started to set up the telescope just as his father had taught him to. Jeongin helped him by illuminating everything with the flashlight.

“Okay, done!” Hyunjin said, stepping back and looking at the finished product. The telescope stood proudly erect to the night sky. It looked quite professional and like Hyunjin actually knew what he was doing. 

He bent down a bit and tested the telescope out.

“Wow, that's impressive!” he exclaimed and made room for Jeongin. “Here, have a look!”

Jeongin approached the telescope and cautiously peeped through the lens. Hyunjin heard him take in a sharp breath.  
“Wah-! So-.... So many stars!” Jeongin let out in complete fascination which soon turned into complete excitement.  
“They're so big, look! I've never seen stars being so big!” He laughed excitedly, his hands clinging to the telescope and moving it into all kinds of directions. “Hyunjin, look!”

Hyunjin laughed warmly. “I know, I know. That's why I brought it. I thought you'd love it.”

Jeongin looked at him now, smiling back at him so that his braces were visible, eyes shining brightly even in the dark.

“I do love it. I love it so much. Thank you, Hyunjin.”

Jeongin's bright smile made Hyunjin's heart ache somehow. He wouldn't necessarily describe it as a feeling he disliked, but it was unknown to him and yet so bittersweet. He wanted to scoop up Jeongin in a big blanket and hold him like that, but also he wasn't sure why he felt like that. Sometimes his affection for the younger just kept overflowing and at times like these it was hard for Hyunjin to sort out his emotions.

“Wait, let me actually show you some stuff I know,” Hyunjin said now and Jeongin stepped away from the telescope to let Hyunjin look through it.

Hyunjin seemed to look for something as he kept moving the handle of the telescope around until he finally fixed it to a certain spot.

“Ah, there it is! Jeongin, come here and have a look!”

Hyunjin made room for Jeongin to look through the telescope.

“Do you see the very bright one? It's the north star, also known as Polaris,” Hyunjin started and Jeongin nodded. “Actually, this star consists of multiple stars, it's basically a star system. And yet when we look at it like that, it just seems like a single planet. Did you know that Polaris lies nearly in a direct line with the earth's rotation and therefore it seems like it's always staying in place and like all the other stars are rotating around it?”

Jeongin let out a small gasp of astonishment. “Woah, I never noticed that. Cool! How do you know this?”

“My dad sometimes tells me about these things, he's very interested in astronomy.”

As Jeongin continued to watch the stars through the telescope, Hyunjin noticed him shivering a little bit.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

Jeongin stepped back from the telescope and looked around for a bit.  
“Maybe a little bit. But it's fine.”

“Come here,” Hyunjin said and gestured Jeongin to sit with him back down on the picnic blanket. He spread his legs so that Jeongin could fit right in between them, and even though he seemed a bit embarrassed, Jeongin settled down there, carefully leaning his back against Hyunjin's chest.  
Hyunjin took the spare blanket from the basket and wrapped it around them, while holding Jeongin tightly around his chest.

“Better?” he asked and tried to bend forward so he could look at Jeongin's face.

Jeongin averted his gaze a little flustered and made a hum of affirmation. “Yeah.”

They both looked up at the stars together, the flashlight having been turned off long ago, and they heard cicadas chirp from all around. The air was just a little bit chilly, but not uncomfortably so. The sky was an ocean of lights, some smaller, others bigger, some of them brighter than others but all of them just the same amount of beautiful. There was not a single cloud visible.

“Do you know any constellations?” Jeongin asked him.

“Uhm...” Hyunjin tried to search the sky for any clues his father had given him. “The Great Bear, over there!” He pointed somewhere into the night sky.

“I know that one, too. Everyone does,” Jeongin chuckled and Hyunjin put back his hand sheepishly.

“Well then I don't know, sorry.”

“It's okay, I forgive you,” Jeongin said and Hyunjin could basically see the smug grin on his face even though he wasn't facing him directly.  
He decided to take advantage of his position of caging Jeongin and tickled the younger lightly on his belly.

Jeongin squirmed under the touch and let out a little squeal under his laugh. “No fair!”

“Yes fair!” Hyunjin replied and pressed Jeongin closer to him, so he couldn't move around anymore.

“What is this, huh?” Jeongin grinned, having stopped his attempts to flee and stayed in place now, breath a bit unsteady.

“Nothing,” Hyunjin cooed and set his chin on Jeongin's head. “You're captured now.”

He expected Jeongin to try to fight himself free again from Hyunjin's grip, but instead he stayed like that, looking up at the night sky again. The moonlight illuminated his face and made it look even paler than it usually was.

“It's actually really nice like this,” he suddenly said. He paused for a little bit. “I like having your arms around me. They're warm, and it's comfortable.”

There was this weird heart ache again and Hyunjin didn't understand it. It made his heartbeat speed up in his chest and filled him with a tingly feeling that he couldn't describe, but he felt happy. He tightened his grip just a little bit and felt Jeongin's warmth emit from under his clothes. Jeongin put his hands over Hyunjin's now, as if he wanted to secure them so they couldn't disappear from him.

“I haven't been feeling very well these past days,” Jeongin started after what felt like minutes of silence. “But today... Today I really had fun. Thanks to you. I know that you've been worried about me these past days, and I'm sorry about it.”

Although Jeongin had revealed it, Hyunjin still felt like there was something else that was weighing heavy on Jeongin's shoulders. Something that he didn't want to talk about, which also made him feel guilty. 

“Hey, it's okay, yeah?” Hyunjin said softly, caressing Jeongin's hair soothingly while trying to put some strands behind his ear. “It's fine.”

Jeongin didn't say anything after that anymore, he just remained silent and stared into the depths of the night sky, as if he was searching for something.

“Do you think there is something? Something that waits for us after we're gone?” he suddenly asked absent-minded.

Hyunjin didn't know how to answer. But he didn't think Jeongin expected an answer from him because he didn't ask again when Hyunjin had kept quiet for a while. He just continued to stare into the stars until it became late and both of them had to pack up and return home again.

 

 

 

Yet another weekend had approached and Hyunjin happily spent it in the park again. No one questioned him about it anymore, by now it had just become a routine. Autumn was slowly approaching and people started going out with long sleeved sweaters more often than not, which still didn't keep Jeongin from wearing his trademark shorts in this weather.

“Aren't you cold?” Hyunjin asked him as they were walking along a pathway in the calmer and more remote area of the park.

“Do I look like I am?” Jeongin returned the question with his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Not really.”

“Well, there's your answer.”

Hyunjin chuckled slightly. Jeongin really was something. 

“So, how's your senior year in high school going so far?” Jeongin asked him casually after a while and Hyunjin sighed.

“You know, I'm trying to do my best but I really wish I'd finally be over with this. I'm starting to lose my energy, it has become so exhausting.”

“What about your friends? You're saying you want to get out of school as fast as possible, but what about your friends then? You'll have to split ways with them. Isn't that thought kinda frightening?” Jeongin said.

Hyunjin thought about it for a bit.

“Honestly? Not really. Sure, they're my classmates and I'd consider some of them friends, but we're not really that close. I spend way more time with you,” he said easily, checking the question off just like that.

Jeongin seemed to not like that answer.

“Do you really think people are replaceable like that?” 

Hyunjin was shocked by Jeongin's sudden question.

“Of course not! But what I'm saying is, even if it might sound a bit cringe-worthy, I like spending my time mostly with you. I'm not worried about the time after graduation because I know you'll be there anyway. You won't leave my side, because I've found a person in you that matches with me and that I want to hold dear forever.” Hyunjin smiled at him, even though he felt like he overdid it a bit with this sudden confession.

“Can you please stop with that?” Jeongin suddenly let out, visibly getting agitated by the second and it confused Hyunjin as to what was happening.

“Wh-”

“Can you please for once stop making everything about me? Why is literally everything you do always connected to me like I'm the only thing with significance in your life?” Jeongin snapped. They had stopped walking and stood across from each other, but Jeongin didn't dare to look at Hyunjin. His gaze pierced into the concrete under his feet, his eyes bearing a painful expression.

“Jeongin, what is going on?” Hyunjin asked quietly, looking at him with worry. “Is this why you've seemed so troubled for quite a while now? Does this have anything to do with it?”

“So what if it does?” Jeongin spat. “I can't bear to see this anymore. I just can't... I can't watch you do this to yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“You're going to regret this. Because I can't stay by your side. I won't ever be able to.”

“And why do you think that?” Hyunjin tried again, his smile from earlier had left his face long ago. Jeongin tried to steady his breath and looked up straight into Hyunjin's eyes now.

“Because I only exist to you.”

The absurdity of Jeongin's words struck a nerve in Hyunjin and made him form an uncertain smile on his lips. That smile died away quickly when Hyunjin saw Jeongin's unfaltering serious expression directed towards him.

“I... I don't understand,” he brought out confusedly.

“It's just as I said,” Jeongin said, still not breaking the eye-contact. “You're the only one who can see me. I don't exist to other people.”

“Jeongin please, it's not funny anymore,” Hyunjin said, his voice wavering slightly.

“It was never funny,” Jeongin replied and he smiled at him with bitterness in his eyes. “I only exist to you because I shouldn't be alive anymore in the first place.”

Before Hyunjin could even process what he had just taken in, Jeongin continued.

“Why do you think I always spend my time with you? Why do you think I always have so much spare time? Hasn't it been odd to you? I spend my time with you because there is no one else. I always stay at the park because there is no other place to go. I am merely wandering around in a world in which I do not exist to anyone other than you. I don't even understand why you can see me. No one should have been able to see me, until I leave this world for good. Until... until...” he seemed to have trouble voicing out what he wanted to say next. “Listen, the reason why I wasn't at school when you wanted to pick me up? I don't go there anymore. The reason I avoided to meet your friends and parents? Because you'd make a fool out of yourself by introducing them to someone they can't see. They'd think you're insane.”

Hyunjin just stared at him with a blank expression. Every kind of emotion he'd had before was wiped out of his face now.

Jeongin sighed, and then he made a move to take Hyunjin's hand. Before he could take it, Hyunjin flinched away from it slightly, making Jeongin stop in his motion before he let his hand slowly sink down again.

“Please... let me show you something if you don't believe me. Please, just this once, follow me to where I'm going to take you.”

As if his mind was completely blank and his body only listened to outside commands, Hyunjin's legs started to move and he followed Jeongin to where he was leading him. Wordlessly, they walked through the park, onto the main street and further down the road. They walked and walked what seemed like an eternity before Jeongin lead him into an enormous building. 

Inside, there was a whole lot happening.  
People in light blue outfits were hurrying through the corridors, Hyunjin could recognize them as nurses. There were people in normal clothes too, of all kinds of age groups. Visitors, Hyunjin figured. He took up the faint smell of antiseptic.  
They were in a hospital.

Jeongin firmly continued walking, he went past all the people without looking back and Hyunjin followed hesitantly. They walked up a set of stairs, another one, and then another one. The badge on the wall read 'Ward 5' and Jeongin entered. The corridor was nearly empty except for a nurse at the end of it, wheeling an empty bed out of a room. 

It was quiet. The only things Hyunjin could hear was the clicking of the secretary's keyboard and his own footsteps. It was so quiet, Hyunjin didn't like it. There were barely any people here, it was deserted. And if there was one thing that Hyunjin noticed, it was that all doors to the rooms were either open and showed an empty room, or they were just slightly opened without giving away what lay behind them.

Jeongin stopped now right in front a room with a slightly opened door and he looked at Hyunjin expectantly. Hyunjin had a look at the door. The door badge listed room 326. _Yang Jeongin_ was written under the number.

“Go on, open it,” Jeongin urged him.

Hyunjin gulped heavily, he felt like his throat had tightened up and air had trouble finding its way into his lungs. He cautiously stepped forward and put his hand onto the door to carefully push it open further.

What he saw in front of him was a spacious room with some house plants in them for decoration. There was also a wardrobe and a small table with two chairs in a corner. What caught the eye most when looking at the room, though, was the huge bed on the left. A boy lay in there, looking like he slept soundly and peacefully. His dark brown hair framed his pale face softly and he was covered with a blanket up to his chest with his arms resting on top of the blanket, folded over his chest. He breathed flatly through his nose and his mouth was closed, but Hyunjin knew that if it wasn't, he'd be able to see a pair of braces.

Jeongin lay before him in a seemingly endless sleep, and at the same time he also stood just a few inches behind him. Hyunjin's ears filled with white noise and he nearly overheard Jeongin behind him starting to speak again.

“It was two years ago when I decided to go to a friend's place after school. We had just passed our midterm exams and wanted to celebrate together with a few others. I don't remember much of it anymore, it's all hazy in my head. Later on in the evening my mother called me, she told me to come home already so I reluctantly told my friends that I had to go and that I'd see them at school tomorrow. I crossed a few streets, I didn't pay much attention to anything. It was late, there wasn't much going on, and the way home wasn't far. I don't know how it happened but it did happen, because suddenly when I wanted to cross the street there was a car. It was driving way too fast and god knows where it suddenly came from. But all of that didn't matter, because the next thing I knew was that I woke up in the park in the middle of the day. I woke up right there on the meadow and I wondered if the party with my friends the night before had ended in some crazy action that had brought me here.”

There was a short break before Jeongin's voice was heard again and it sounded like he needed to take a breath.

“I felt a headache and swore to myself to never stupidly drink anything again before I was of legal age, and decided to go home for now. The door was locked but I used the spare key that was always hidden under the door mat and I hoped my parents wouldn't be mad at me for appearing the next day. But there was no one home, so I just shrugged and thought I'd watch some videos. But when I reached into my pocket there was nothing there. I thought I had left my phone at my friend's place and I was annoyed. I wanted to go and get it back, and at that exact moment my parents came home again. I brought out a casual 'sorry' before I saw that my mother was crying. Had I worried her that much? I suddenly felt terrible about it, even my father looked like had went through hell and back. I apologized to them for my mistake, but they didn't react to me. They went straight past me into the living room where my mother broke down crying completely. I didn't understand what was happening back then. The time where I started to understand was when I found out that my actual body had been in a coma in this exact hospital since the night I wanted to go home from the party. Apparently I had suffered too much damage to my head and even though my other interior organs weren't badly injured, I just didn't wake up anymore.”

Jeongin now stepped forward until he was standing right next to Hyunjin. He looked at the boy in the bed too, taking in every detail with tired eyes.

“And I guess that's how it is.”

Hyunjin managed to tear his watery eyes away from the boy in the bed and directed them towards Jeongin now, trying to form words with his mouth, but failing at it and keeping quiet. Instead he just slung his arms around him, embraced him in a deep hug and wanted to make sure he felt the warmth he thought he had been feeling all these past months.

He still felt it.

Jeongin returned the embrace carefully and hesitantly, and let his head slowly rest on Hyunjin's shoulder as he started to speak again.

“I'll be gone soon,” he said quietly and he felt Hyunjin twitch at that remark. “I keep on coming back here to find my parents visit me sometimes and asking the doctors how I'm doing and it's always the same. 'No negative remarks but also no visible recovery in sight'. A while ago the doctors started shaking their heads whenever my parents questioned them about me. They said that it didn't have much use anymore. So, in the end, my parents decided to have the life support turned off, that's why... I'm just laying there like that, basically waiting to.... to kick the bucket.” His voice had become more and more quiet the longer he spoke. 

Hyunjin felt his eyes burn under his eyelids and he squeezed Jeongin just a little bit tighter. He was definitely there and he could feel him with every fiber of his body, just like any other human being too. So how? How did the exact same person lie there right in front of him, with the most peaceful expression on his sleeping face as if there were no worries in the world?

“Hyunjin, you've been so quiet,” Jeongin said after they'd stood there like that in each other's arms for a while. “It's a lot to take in, huh?” He chuckled, but the hint of bitterness in his tone was evident.

Hyunjin nodded slowly. “I'm sorry,” was all he managed to get out in a hoarse voice.

“Don't be,” Jeongin said, giving Hyunjin a few comforting pats on his back. “You were the one who found me back then on that playground when I thought I was damned to stay alone forever. You were the one who always managed to show me that the world is a much more brighter place than I thought it was, even if you didn't know. You were the one who kept holding onto me, even when others had decided to give up.”

It was the first time he had heard Jeongin say such words and his heart clenched.

“Hyunjin, thank you for finding me.”

 

 

 

 

There wasn't really much use to pretend anything anymore and Jeongin knew that. So when Hyunjin decided to bring him home to his place despite his parents' presence, Jeongin couldn't reject him. Not anymore. 

And it was just as both of them had expected when they arrived. His parents opened the door and greeted Hyunjin, taking no notice of Jeongin as if he didn't exist to them at all, and Hyunjin, as well as Jeongin, didn't react further to that and instead just went up to his room.

The air felt heavy, not particularly between them, but in a general sense.

Yet both of them didn't let that disturb their usual relationship and just continued to spend their time together as always. After the insight about Jeongin's situation it was obvious that Hyunjin still took some time to assimilate the information, but he tried to do his best about it and Jeongin appreciated that.

“You know, recently I've really gotten into reading books”, Hyunjin started, while lazily rolling around on the carpet.

“Oh wow,” Jeongin commented passively, sitting at the side and watching Hyunjin.

“I mean it, I really enjoy it. Especially English books. I've started reading lots of them recently.”

“And you can understand them?” Jeongin questioned mildly surprised but then recalled the English vocabulary sheet he had spotted on Hyunjin's table the first time he'd been here.

“Yep, I'm actually quite good at English, and it's really fun studying it even if it's hard sometimes,” Hyunjin mentioned.

“Can't relate,” Jeongin said and heard Hyunjin huff a faint laugh. “I always hated English in school. The language just doesn't sit well with me, it's too confusing. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore at least.”

“What was your favorite subject?” Hyunjin asked him, having stopped his rolling spree on the carpet and looking up at him now with curious eyes.

“Probably P.E. I don't know, I wasn't particularly great at any specific sport, but it was better than sitting at a desk all day, doing boring exercises.”

“Oh, I love P.E too! I'd beat you in a race, I'm telling you,” Hyunjin said, eyes already sparkling at the idea.

“I'd like to see that,” Jeongin snorted and folded his arms in front of his chest expectantly.

“Okay then let's go!” 

Hyunjin basically leaped up to his feet in seconds and Jeongin giggled at his over-enthusiasm. 

“No, sit down, I'm too lazy to do anything now,” he laughed and Hyunjin pouted cutely but took a seat next to him again. He started fiddling with the rim of Jeongin's shirt, probably to annoy him to get his will, but Jeongin didn't let that disrupt him. After a while Hyunjin started poking his stomach though with quick little movements and Jeongin indeed grew annoyed at that. It wasn't until Hyunjin even tried to poke Jeongin from under his shirt, that he grabbed Hyunjin and pinned him down onto the carpet.

“Enough already,” Jeongin said, still having a tight grip on Hyunjin's wrists, but he wasn't mad. Instead, he had a little smile on his lips.

But Hyunjin looked at him with his eyes wide open and dilated pupils, as if this had taken him too much by surprise. His breath was a little flat and his heart pounded just a little bit too fast in his chest, before he snapped out of the surprise and started to grin, too. 

“What are you doing?”

“You went on my nerves, I had to stop you,” Jeongin said, now releasing Hyunjin's wrists from his grip and getting off of him. Hyunjin just awkwardly laughed back and got up, too.

“What should we do next?” he asked.

“I don't know, play some games? You've got a PlayStation, right?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Hyunjin confirmed and they picked out a few games to play, of which most were some kind of shooter games or racing games.

Just as with Jeongin's first stay, both of them got comfortable on the bed and stayed like that, until it became dark again and they were tired of playing. They ended up laying there together and staring into nothingness, listening to the clock tick away in the background, hearing every second pass. Hyunjin wasn't sure if he just imagined it, but he felt the air getting heavier again, without even one of them speaking. Jeongin had kept quiet for a long time now and Hyunjin couldn't see his face, he lay there with his head on Hyunjin's arm, facing his chest, and got an arm around his waist yet again.  
Hyunjin didn't know how they ended up laying like that again, but he didn't comment on it and instead just stared up at the ceiling while listening to Jeongin breathe. Only the moonlight was shining through the window now and it illuminated a few parts of the furniture and the ceiling, while throwing big shadows that painted the rest of the room in blackness. There was a straining tug in Hyunjin's chest for some reason and he figured it was because the whole situation that had happened came crashing down on him again. 

“Hyunjin, are you still awake?” he heard Jeongin speak up and he nodded.

“Yeah.”

Jeongin was quiet again. 

“Me too,” he said then. The following silence felt suffocating. 

“Jeongin?” Hyunjin asked, after what seemed like an eternity.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

And it was quiet again. He heard Jeongin take a few breaths before he spoke.

“I am,” he then answered steady. “I am used to this. You don't have to ask me if I'm okay. I should rather ask you if you're okay.”

Hyunjin said nothing but the hand of his sprawled out arm found its way to Jeongin's shoulder and he soothingly caressed it to feel Jeongin lean into the touch comfortingly.  
His heart felt heavy. Heavy with pain but also with a longing that he couldn't quite pin down.

“I never told you, but...” Jeongin said, still speaking into Hyunjin's shirt rather than to his face, “Back then I really had lost hope.” His legs shuffled a bit in between the blankets that were messily sprawled all over them, not really covering anything properly.

“Every day I had just gone around, feeling left alone in a place full of people. In a city in which I didn't exist. I observed people hurrying through the streets, talking animatedly to each other in cafés, playing basketball in the park... And for the first time I knew what it felt like to see people living their lives, but not being part of it. Like you're just a spectator through a big screen. You forget that you are your own being and instead just watch other people live their life to compensate for the loss of yours.”

The words made Hyunjin's chest clench further, but he could do nothing else than to hold the younger in his arms and listen to him.

“It was until the day that you showed up. And at first I thought it was a dream, because for a year I'd been isolated from every living being on this earth. My family, my friends, they all only saw me tied to that bed. Even if I was standing right next to them, yelling at them with tears in my eyes, hoping they would finally hear me. And then you showed up just like that, speaking to me as if it was the most casual matter to you. I nearly would have crushed you in a hug back then.” Jeongin chuckled bitterly at recalling the memory.

“But in the end, I don't know what I would've done without you. And it sounds corny and I usually don't say corny stuff because you know that's not how I am,” even Hyunjin had to repress a smile at how true of a statement that was, “but you made this one year a time in which I remembered what it feels like to live again.”

Hyunjin could feel Jeongin's lips curve up into a sad smile.

“You made me feel alive again.”

And if his breath wasn't stuck in his throat, Hyunjin would've let out a sob. He could feel his eyes watering again and he hated it, he didn't want to cry in front of Jeongin like that. He felt tens of millions of emotions all at once and at the same time nothing at all, trying to separate reality from the comforting feeling of holding Jeongin's warmth in his arms, in which he wanted to drown if he had had the choice. The boy that had given him a roller coaster ride of emotions of his own in this past year. Emotions which still confused Hyunjin whenever he looked at him, even though they seemed to be so crystal clear. The way his heart beat had picked up its pace whenever the boy had smiled at him, the way a faint blush on his cheeks had always betrayed him when the other had gotten bold with his actions. 

Jeongin must have noticed it a long time ago and Hyunjin felt so stupid that it only had become clear to himself so late.  
Yet if there was one thing he wanted to do right for once, then he wanted to do it now.

“Jeongin, I'm in love with you. I have been for the past year.”

And it was so quiet and dark, Hyunjin could've forgotten that he was laying in the bed of his own room, if it wasn't for the constant ticking of the clock reminding him where exactly he was.  
He suddenly felt the arm around his waist tighten, nearly painfully so, and Jeongin buried his face further in between his neck and shoulder.  
And after a while Hyunjin felt something wet there, but maybe it had just been his imagination.

He just wrapped his arms completely around Jeongin now and took in every breath of that chamomile scent he could get before he felt his consciousness slowly dripping away in the midst of this endless starry night.

 

 

 

 

It was the warm sunlight and the chirping of the birds that softly shook Hyunjin out of his sleep in the next morning. His hands found their way to his eyes to rub all the sleepiness away from them and he let out a deep yawn while trying to stretch himself sprawled out on the bed. His eyes fluttered open to stare at the now goldenly illuminated ceiling of his room, feeling the pleasant rays of sunlight on his skin and sighing in comfort. He managed to prop himself up, messy hair sticking into all kinds of directions, when he realized that he was still wearing his clothes from the past day. Which made him remember and turn around.

“Jeongin, good mor-”

The sheets next to him were empty.

Hyunjin felt a stone in his stomach and uselessly called out the other's name again.

“Jeongin?”

It didn't take him long to jump out of his bed and to tear the door to his room open. He ran down the stairs and nearly fell, past his parents who tried to wish him a good morning but who he ignored, even when they tried to call after him when he exited the house hastily.

Hyunjin ran. He just ran as fast as his legs were able to take him. If his rational mind had worked he would've known that it was faster to wait for the next bus, but his legs couldn't rest. He didn't let them rest.

He ran until he made it to the enormous building he had visited not long ago, nearly crashing into some visitors and nurses as he tried to make his way through the masses of people as fast as possible, going up the stairs faster than he probably had ever done before in his life, until he reached ward 5. The usually more quiet seeming ward got disrupted by Hyunjin's heavy breaths and squeaking sneakers on the floor until he reached room 326, Yang Jeongin.

The door was wide open.

The door was wide open and Hyunjin's legs nearly gave in when he saw that the bed was empty and the sheets were neatly done. 

His head emptied out, his breathing stopped in his lungs and the next thing he felt was a blow to the gut that nearly made him throw up right then and there.  
He nearly didn't realize it anymore when the tears piled up in his eyes until they couldn't be held back anymore and streamed down his cheeks in an endless flow, until they dripped down in small droplets onto the laminated floor in front of him.

Hyunjin held his voice in, he pressed his hand in front of his mouth to not let it out and dizzily stumbled backwards a bit until his back hit the wall and his legs finally gave in to let him crouch down. He pressed his eyes closed, wanted to curl up in himself and bit on his finger before his voice was able to pierce through. But it was no use, the strangled sobs made it out of his throat nevertheless.

The sound of the other's voice rang through Hyunjin's ears, his breathy laugh whenever Hyunjin had managed to make a joke he found funny, the way his eyes crinkled up at the edges, and just how _real_ it had been, and it ripped him apart from the inside.

At this point there were already people around him, trying to check on him, asking him what was wrong, but Hyunjin couldn't hear any of them.  
He only heard one voice over and over in his head again, belonging to the one person that was out of his grasp.

And he cowered there, curled up in himself in the corridor of ward 5, in front of room 326, wishing to have been able to turn back time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change._


End file.
